THE WILD WOMAN DIARY:
Experiments in the Feminine Reality
Twenty minutes of yoni egg contractions
While the meditation itself wasn't exactly focused, it was exceptionally more positive than yesterday's attempt.
Like any muscle in your body, your mind can also get all weak and wobbly if you don’t make a practice of keeping it in shape. Case in point: my practice today.
Today, my inner critic took the back seat to my imagination, and I spent most of my meditation wandering through a science fiction landscape.
It was a nice vacation.
Since I have nothing profound to share today, and nothing to confess, I'll tell you what I thought of while I was supposed to be clearing my mind.
Ever since I read the simulation argument (the simulation argument proposes that reality is in fact a computer simulation, and that we are all being fooled by the concept of reality), I can’t stop imagining myself as the avatar in a video game that some enlightened form of artificial intelligence is playing on a different dimension.
For some reason, this was on my mind during meditation.
I asked myself, what is the point to this video game? What is the title? And did I choose this simulation over others? If so, why? And how do you win?
Unable to stop this runaway train of thought, I continued down this track. Or rather, “I” didn’t, but the entity controlling my avatar did. By the end of the meditation, I concluded that the name of this particular video game simulation is 1984 (coincidentally, I was born in this year. I know. I’m fucking old.) and it’s a video game about mind control, and a player wins when she is able to control and direct the thoughts of her avatar. This is hard than it sounds, because opposing forces in the video game (government, religion, corporations, lovers, parents, friends) are also trying to control and direct her thoughts. And she tends to get distracted by things that are shiny, such as….Sparkles!!
Not that far off from reality, if you really think about it.
Calming my mind is still a challenge. Same as yesterday.
During the last five minutes of meditation, I became incredibly restless, and at one point, I actually stood up to walk out of the room, then had to coax myself back down onto my little meditation cushion.
I just counted my contractions, and tried to focus on the way the air felt coming out of my nose.
While the meditation itself wasn't exactly very focused, it did end on a positive note. I finished the damn thing and didn't cut class early. Also, I noticed that throughout the day, I felt generally calmer and happier. I wonder if this makes me look different too? Maybe I'm smiling more? Because today, when I went to the grocery store, I it seemed like everyone was smiling at me, which made me smile more, which made them smile more.
I am proud of myself for sticking with this. I know it's only three days, but thats three more days than I had a week ago.
Owner of Keggel, hopeless nomadic, performance artist, earthling.
The Wild Woman Diary is a multimedia art project on several platforms.
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