For those of us who fall prey to the conscious or unconscious belief that our physical beauty is our most valuable form of social currency, the aging process can be confusing and disorienting. 

As we get farther away from the ridiculous and arbitrary cultural ideal, in order to retain the idea that we are still valuable, visible, or worthy, we either have to fight our own belief system or fight the aging process itself.

Those of us who fight our existing beliefs must spend time and energy cultivating a new definition of beauty and value that goes beyond typical cultural conditioning. 

Those who fight the natural aging process often engage in desperate maneuvering to slow or stop it—botox, endless diets, cosmetic surgery, gym memberships, retail therapy, cosmetics, new lovers—and are left even more entrenched in the perceived fight against time and nature.

Facing the preexisting beliefs about our worth as women is uncomfortable, painful, and forces us to dismantle and rebuild our value system. On the outset, this difficult work leaves us disoriented, especially in a culture where the objectification of the female body is only becoming more prevalent, despite the effort that so many are making to be aware of it, and negate it. When we are bombarded with images—not just from the fashion and beauty industry and the media, but from our peers, our friends, our sisters—that uphold these values, when monolithic corporations know that our insecurity is worth trillions of dollars, when our lovers still cling to these beliefs themselves, it can often feel like we are swimming upstream alone. 

Many of us give up before we make any real effort. 

But we should make the effort; because it is worth it.

The suffering we inflict o n ourselves and others by clinging to a set of standards that we didn’t even choose for ourselves colors every aspect of our lives. We must fight the desire to present ourselves as objects, to encourage people to receive us and admire us as one dimensional objects, instead of the complex, wild, fascinating creatures that we are. We must fight the ease with which we let ourselves feel devalued. 

And in place of all these neurotic ideas, we make space for creativity, for nature, for walking barefoot through the grass, for falling in love with our breath, for making meaningful connections with other women, for giving our full attention to those around us. 

We make space for love.