While guilt can be a valuable teacher, pushing us to take accountability for our bad choices (so, you know, hopefully we make better ones in the future), the emotion of shame makes us feel that there is something intrinsically wrong with us. And so, when something good comes our way, instead of feeling happy, we feel like we don’t deserve it. Or, we can't enjoy it because we are busy waiting for the other shoe to drop.
As women especially, we spend a lot of time feeling shame and confusion about our bodies and our sexuality. There are a lot of conflicting expectations lorded over us by a culture hell-bent on objectifying us. It's something we need to keep talking about.
Because, when we feel shame, it is damn near impossible to experience real pleasure, because we are not present for it. Instead running circles in our minds. Yes, I am talking about sex. But this extends further than the bedroom. We experience all pleasure through the senses- with food, music, art, creation. Our work. Pleasure felt through the senses can be used as tools to pull us into the present moment, if we allow ourselves to dive into it. This makes us more effective, smarter, funnier, happier. So, if we are too busy tripping, we really miss out.
Think about how much shame you feel in your life, and then ask yourself how it is serving you. Hasn't it only made things suck? Make a habit into creating rituals and practices around destroying shameful secrets in your life by speaking them out loud.
There are a million resources out there that provide tools and techniques for replacing damaging beliefs with positive and nourishing ones.
And if you want to dip your toe in the water:
Brene Brown talks about some good techniques in this video.
And of course, please feel free to use one of my favorite mantras when you find yourself face-to-face with a self-abusive thought:
No shame in my game.
As women especially, we spend a lot of time feeling shame and confusion about our bodies and our sexuality. There are a lot of conflicting expectations lorded over us by a culture hell-bent on objectifying us. It's something we need to keep talking about.
Because, when we feel shame, it is damn near impossible to experience real pleasure, because we are not present for it. Instead running circles in our minds. Yes, I am talking about sex. But this extends further than the bedroom. We experience all pleasure through the senses- with food, music, art, creation. Our work. Pleasure felt through the senses can be used as tools to pull us into the present moment, if we allow ourselves to dive into it. This makes us more effective, smarter, funnier, happier. So, if we are too busy tripping, we really miss out.
Think about how much shame you feel in your life, and then ask yourself how it is serving you. Hasn't it only made things suck? Make a habit into creating rituals and practices around destroying shameful secrets in your life by speaking them out loud.
There are a million resources out there that provide tools and techniques for replacing damaging beliefs with positive and nourishing ones.
And if you want to dip your toe in the water:
Brene Brown talks about some good techniques in this video.
And of course, please feel free to use one of my favorite mantras when you find yourself face-to-face with a self-abusive thought:
No shame in my game.