Shout out to all the perfectionists and recovering perfectionists out there!

Y’all are near and dear to my heart.

Let's be real. The ghastly weed of perfectionism is nearly impossible to eradicate once it has taken root in your psyche, despite how much you hack away at it with meditation, and yoga, and the yoni egg practice. It just keeps reemerging. 

The most frustrating thing about trying to conquer perfectionism is being able to recognize that the idea of perfect itself is a slavish illusion. 

What does it mean to be a perfectionist? At the most basic level, it assumes that there is such a thing as perfect, objectively. No two definitions of perfect are like, and for perfectionists. Some define perfect as being a doctor with a huge bank account, others define perfect as having shiny hair and a cruelty-free diet. And for perfectionists, the definition of perfect is always changing, shifting, and redefining, always moving just a little further out of reach. 

Perfectionists create a false image of themselves in their head of who they want to be, and decide that they only deserve happiness if and when they become that person. 

Welcome to hell.

But, go ahead. Thought experiment. Look at your definition of “perfect”. You didn’t come up with it. It is, in fact, a hodge-podge of others’ expectations. Your mom, your best friend in high school, your asshole ex-boyfriend. Your Dad. Don’t get me started on that one. And there’s the people you don’t even know who influence how you define your ultimate. What you have defined as perfect is merely a set of qualities and accomplishments you’ve decided you must attain before you become lovable to the people you want to love you.

How unfortunate that we don’t often enter ourselves into this equation. What will make us lovable to ourselves?

Truth be told, we become lovable to ourselves by showing ourselves unconditional love. We learn to trust ourselves by setting attainable goals, and meeting them, by keeping the promises that we make ourselves. Like any relationship, if you’ve been physically or emotionally abusive to yourself, then trust and love is something that you will need to rebuild through consistency and action.

Start small. Celebrate the part of yourself that lies within the shell of your identity, that exists outside of language, the child within that does not yet know how to judge themselves as good or bad. Practice calming your mind, reining it the critical thought patterns. . When you start to wonder what people are thinking about you, remind yourself of this quote by David Foster Wallace:

"You will worry less about what people think of you when you realize how seldom they do." 

And yeah, go easy on the to-do lists.